Bunny, Bunny, Bunny, Bunny, Whoops Bunny

"I woke up nice and early."

---*---

I woke up nice an early. I like to get up bright on a Wednesday, no one ever has any messages to run in the morning and if I get out to the West entrance early enough the dew is still on the ground and, well it looks nice.

And tastes fresh. I prefer dew to a morning coffee - it seems to wake me up better.

Well, I had a wash and brush up and pootled to the West entrance.

THERE WAS A GUARD THERE ALREADY!

I've never seen this buck before. He has a suit on and, well, is quite intimidating. A bit like Fudge and Matt, really.

I asked him why he was there and he told me that Gilchrist had appointed him this guard shift.

I mean I know I'm not an official guard or anything but we don't really need any official guards and I can do the job when I'm not running errands or messages.

At least we didn't need an official guard.

He was getting quite rude to me, and I must admit I was getting quite annoyed that he had taken my job just like that and you hadn't said anything to me or anyone and no one had let me know I mean I'm a good guard really and there's never been any complaints that I treat people bad or...

Well I was just about to give this upstart guard buck a piece of my mind when behind me I heard a voice singing.

"A FIST FULL OF DOLLARS HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN!" It was going. I turned around and there was Mad Malc. I mean he's really looking nutty today! He can't have bathed for a week and his hair was all over the place and he had that old shirt thing on - you know the one with the holes in the elbows.

Malc stood in front of the guard buck, he seemed to be ignore me. A lot of people do I find. Well, he stood in front of the guard buck and just stared at him.

You've never seen anything so funny as an old white-haired buck staring down a muscled guard buck in a suit.

Although Malc can stare with the best of 'em.

I decided I'd leave the new guard buck to it and come and see you because I know you'll be able to sort it all out and I'm not really unemployed am I?

Hehehe, I forgot. As I left Malc was staring at the guard buck singing "I want to know what lunch is. I want you to show me..."

---*---

Cola took a deep breath on behalf of Phump. His non-stop way of talking has a way of making you want to breathe for him.

Cola eyes weren't focussed on Phump, she was staring off into a far horizon. Her mouth a small hole.

"I'm sorry Phump." She said, not quite able to look him in the face, "I gave Gilbert permission to put some more guards on and I didn't think. I'm sorry." She closed her eyes and looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry, Phump, I really didn't think that this would put you out of a job." She quickly backtracked. "You're not out of a job." She looked up at him, "You're the most valuable message -buck I've ever had the pleasure to work with."

She put her paw on his shoulder. He seemed calmer now, if he was ever calm. "I'm going to have to talk to Gilchrist about the West entrance." She had a good idea. "In fact I'd like you to take a message to him for me."

Phump brightened, he nodded. "I can find him."

"Good, wait here for a bit whilst I write the message down will you." Cola said as she turned away, then quickly turned back, "If you want a drink, Lotte's just made some carrot tea.." She offered. Phump nodded and hopped over to Lotte.

In her office, Cola slumped down in her chair. She grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and chewed the end for a minute. Finally, nodding to herself she wrote a quick note and put it in an envelope.

Phump was finishing off a warm cup of tea when Cola returned with the message.

"Phump, would you please take this to Gilchrist for me." He nodded as she handed the note over. "And I think it's best if you treat my offices as your base of operations." He looked quizzical, "Come here every morning." Cola explained, "And I'll sort out who needs your messaging talents."

Phump beamed and bounced off in search of Gilchrist.

"Does this mean we have Phump under-paw all day long now?" Lotte asked quietly.

Cola nodded. "He's a friend. I am sure he's a friend. Apart from you and him I'm not sure anymore."

Lotte seemed surprised. "But you've got loads of friends." Cola shook her head.

"I'm not sure I can count on anyone. Someone is putting 'Does Don't Rule' graffiti everywhere I look. The elders were split nearly fifty-fifty when I was appointed. I haven't seen Plessey since, well before Gorden..." She stopped. There was always something popping up. Every day something reminded her of Gorden and that glorious and dreadful night. "Since before Gorden was killed." She finished quietly. She turned towards her room. "I'll be in my office." She said in a low voice as she padded through the door and swung it shut behind her.

---*---

Phump was having a hard time finding Gilchrist. Finding his guards. That was easy, they seemed to be everywhere, either staring suspiciously at the conies going about their daily tasks or cleaning up some of the phrases that had been written on the walls.

Phump didn't understand the graffiti, and it wasn't his lack of letters. Cola was a good Head Doe. Cola has been his teacher at school and taught him about right and wrong and read stories about the Holy Roger and the Great Bugs. Phump was amazed that anyone could think she was not fit to rule the warren.

But there must be a lot of people who though this because there was an awful lot of this graffiti. It was a good thing really that Gilchrist had turned up with his friends. There may be lots of words on walls, but very little violence with so many guards around.

He shivered. There had been a couple of attacks. Conies had had paint thrown into their burrows by these hooligans who wrote the graffiti. Phump was sure that at least one of the new guard bucks would catch one of these, what did Cola call them? Malcolm Tents. Or something like that anyway.

Did Mad Malc have a tent? Maybe it was him? He was a very strange bunny. One of those weirdoes who lived on the edge of the warren and wasn't really part of the warren, just turned up at parties and meal times.

Phump exhausted the warren and so decide to try outside. He steered clear of the West entrance. He didn't fancy bumping into that big guard buck again. Not after the words they had exchanged. So he headed for the nearest other entrance, the North one. There was a guard buck there, staring into the warren rather than looking out. Phump would have a word with Cola about that! It was tantamount to shirking it was, looking the wrong way!

Phump decided it would be best not to mention it and just trotted past.

Or rather he tried to. The guard buck put his arm out.

"And where are you going, Tubby?" The guard asked.

Phump's indignation-gland turned on full blast.

"I'm the messenger." He said, with force, "And I have an important message for Gilchrist." Phump squinted hard at the guard buck, trying to look important. It seemed to work.

"Oh," the guard said, "Why didn't you say so?" He dropped his arm. "He's just outside. They must have finished by now they've been talking for ages." He motioned for Phump to pass through. "Go on then."

Phump darted past the guard buck before he could even think about the possibility of changing his mind and popped out into the open air. Gilchrist had his back to the warren and was talking to some other buck, Phump couldn't see whom. Gilchrist shook the paw of the other buck and turned around. The other buck was quite small and seemed older.

"What are you doing here!" Gilchrist exploded. "I was not to be disturbed! How long have you been there?"

"I have a message" Phump said in a quiet voice, "From Cola." He held out the envelope.

Gilchrist snatched it from his paw and dismissed him with a wave.

"No reply?" Phump managed to ask, bravely.

Gilchrist was silent for a second or two. Then seemed to compose himself.

"I'll be along to see her shortly." He said in clipped tones. "Tell her that." He tore the envelope open then turned to Phump. "Well?" He said with venom. He didn't need to add the "What are you still doing here" part.

"Yes Sir!" Phump said hopping quickly away - his bravery had dissolved into nothing.