Now We're Planning

I flicked the 'comms on again and repeated myself.

"I repeat, this is Big Bird to Hatchling A and Hatchling B. Have you landed?"

"They should have been on the surface a good twenty minutes ago." Richard said with a twitch of his whiskers. "Maybe our systems can't get through the jamming?"

"Of course they can," Gilchrist sneered, "I designed them."

A crackle came from the 'comms unit then Vestock's voice came through loud and clear.

"Big Bird this is V..." he caught himself, "Hatchling A: All safe and sound!" I breathed a sigh of relief. Vestock continued, "Ku..." Again, catching himself. I could picture him rolling his olive shaped eyes, "Hatchling B has gone to the Little Alien's Room." Marko smirked at that - Kurl's digestive system was known to be little flaky. "Whereas," Vestock continued ith pride, "I'm standing third in line at Passdapeppapappa immigration!"

---*---

Passdapeppapappa was the legal capital of the galactic civilisation. Not the Capital, legally speaking, but the capital of legal speaking, so to speak.

The Galactic Court held session here, along with the Galactic Appeals Court, the Sentient's Rights Court and more. Five sector-courts were based here and innumerable local courts based their business at this one planet. The finest legal minds from trillions made their way here over their careers. The sleaziest ambulance chasers did too. The only real business on this planet was the business of Law and those services needed to, well, service the law.

Passdapeppapappa was the recourse to the law for the inhabitants of possibly a whole quarter of the galaxy.

It was said that there more lawyers on Passdapeppapappa than there were trees. Even the local entertainment was based around the law and its practitioners. The most popular Sims (computer games to you and I) sold were "Barry the Barrister", "Larry the Lawyer" and "Polly the Paralegal", all produced on planet.

The planet had no ground port. All access was via the eight orbital tethers spaced equidistant around the equator. We'd parked on the planet's moon where the security and legal system was a little laxer (Hah! Some prisons have less security than Passdapeppapappa), and sent Kurl and Vestock down to the ground on a recce.

The local security forces kept a tight lid on the planet proper. Comms had to be routed through their own channels and the press was tightly regulated. We didn't want our personal musings to get overheard, so Gilchrist had rigged up some private noach-comms from a few parts we had in the cargo hold. He tried to explain it to me - it was all about subatomic particles and how you could split them up and they'd still talk. However it sounded like something a divorce lawyer might come out with and I tuned out once he started to talk about different flavoured particles. I'm a fan of Carrot flavour, not "Strange".

We could clearly hear Vestock and, nearly as clearly, the people around him.

"Sir or Madam, please step forward." That must be a customs or immigration official. Richard giggled at the turn of phrase.

"Sir." Vestock said back at the official.

"Can, sir, confirm his declarations on his immigration form." The voice said. "Let me see." We could picture a figure in a peaked cap looking down at a green slip, tutting at the spelling mistakes and looking for any excuse to deny entry to any disreputable looking being.

"Can you confirm that your species is non-metamorphic?"

"Yes."

"Including, but not restricted to, dynamic facial, body and limb colourisation, although not including cranial hair, but including fur."

"Er. Yes, correct, I think so." Vestock sounded more than a little unsure of himself and the official picked up on this.

"Do you change colour?" He said slowly.

"Erm, does blushing count?"

"No."

"I don't change colour."

"That's a yes then.

"Are you or have you ever been a member of a terrorist organisation?"

"Does anyone ever answer yes to that?"

At this I lowered my head to my hands.

"Is sir trying to avoid the question?"

"Oh, no! It's just that I'm a little confused why you would ever bother asking such a thing? I mean that's like asking me if it's worth arresting me now rather than letting me in and arresting me later, isn't it?"

"Does sir think I should arrest him now?"

"Is that an official question?"

There was a moments silence when I could just see our entire plan going down the drain thanks to a little too much cheek at border control.

"I'm an official of the Passdapeppapappa Immigration and Border Service." The voice came, low and rather menacing, "And it was a question posed by me, so, yes that makes it an Official Question."

"Er..." Vestock hesitated, I could just picture him trying to play the conversation back and check what the question actually was. "No."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Can I call a friend?"

"No."

"Oh. Yes, then."

"Is 'Yes' your answer?"

I rubbed my face, about to cry.

"Darling! What are you doing going through without me!" Came Kurl's voice. There was a quick "Meeping" noise from Vestock.

"Silly boy." Kurl said brightly, "You'll forget your hat next."

"And you, madam, are?" The official droned.

"I'm his husband," Kurl said with an edge of 'offended', "I hope you weren't insinuating anything by calling me 'Madam'! You don't have anything against people of my... persuasion?"

If the official had back pedalled any harder you'd have heard the chain come off. "No, no, no, no Sir! I'm, we're, its company policy, I, erm." Then he seemed to get a grip.

"As there's two of you, a family group, I'll have to start from the beginning again."

"That's alright, boy." Kurl was milking this. "Off you go. We'll be happy to answer all your questions."

The official coughed, then, "Can you confirm that your species are non-metamorphic?"

Kurl jumped straight in, a little predictably if you asked me, with "There's only one part of him that changes shape and size." He gave a dirty chuckle, "Bet you'd like to know what?"

About two hundred and fifty thousand miles away from the Passdapeppapappa immigration queue, there was a spaceship full of people who were falling over themselves laughing.

"Doesn't it strike you," Marko asked, "How easily Kurl and Vestock slipped into the role of an old married couple?"

"Which is exactly why I said you should have sent Marko." Gilchrist said.

"We discussed it. Marko is the wrong person to send on this mission." I responded.

"I wish I knew why." Gilchrist mused. He's not the sort of person to like being kept in the dark about anything.

---*---

I wish I knew why you won't do this?" I'd asked Marko the night before in the mess.

"I just can't." He said. "It's not something I can talk about."

"Look," I said, "It's just us here."

"Richard is standing over there getting a drink." Marko pointed.

I looked. He was right. There's something about Richard. He always seems to be there, but he's such a quiet figure you just don't notice him. "I hadn't noticed him," I apologised, "Sorry, I wasn't trying to trick you."

I circled a finger in a dribble of coffee on the counter. At least I kept on telling myself it was coffee. I'd been drinking the stuff for a couple of years now on this ship and I should really have asked what it was.

There was a whoosh-click as the doorway shut behind Richard leaving.

"You didn't want to go onto the mushroom planet to get Gilchrist. You seem mortally afraid to leave the ship here."

"There're things you don't know about me. Things I can't tell you."

"There's things I can't tell anyone about me either." I said with eyebrows raised. "I daren't show my face, or allow Malcolm's or Gilchrist's face to be seen in case someone links us to Fader. They only know of him, they don't know where he's from and we're a little nervous that the court may just declare an Omega on us and nuke our home planet from orbit.

"Well, I'm worried about it." I clarified. "I'm not sure Gilchrist is ever worried about anything other than himself; although he does seem strangely attached to his figurehead 'Fader'.

"Malcolm. Oh I'd love Malcolm to be coherent enough to be attached to anything. Maybe he is, but he's not able to put the words together to express it."

"Humph." Marko said. "Maybe you understand a little." He looked carefully around, then up at the ceiling, "Ship."

"Yessir!" The ship responded with a bleep.

"Privacy mode for the next fifteen minutes, please."

"Do you concur, sir?" TB asked me.

"Yes," I nodded, "Privacy mode for the next fifteen minutes." I wasn't sure what it was that Marko wanted to say, but he'd piqued my curiosity and my mother always did say I was part-cat. Although I never believed her I did keep trying to jump out of trees and see if I landed right side up. Painful experiments I tell you.

"My people..." Marko said into his mug of steaming hot something-coffeeish "You met them on the other side of the galaxy from here. But we originate from here." He swirled his cup and took a swig. "You talk about the Omega Verdict as if it is an abstraction, something to be avoided at all costs because of its effects a long, long, time ago in the past." He stuck a stubby finger into his drink and stirred it. "Needs more sweetener." He shook his head. "But..." He swigged the last of the cup down, "The omega verdict is my history." I nodded in agreement but he frowned at my nods. "I don't mean history, I mean History." He put the cup down with a clunk.

"My people are the Omega."

I felt my hackles rise. It felt like being told that your girlfriend was actually a serial killer. Not that Marko was my girlfriend. I said like not... Anyway he could tell that I was shocked.

"I can tell you're shocked."

"But..." I said, "But..."

"Go on. You can do it." He teased as I reached my fourth 'but'.

"But... The Omega were nuked out of existence." I managed to look up at him and see how haunted his eyes looked, "There were hunted down and assassinated."

He nodded. "But a handful survived the purge." He shook his empty cup as if that would make it fill up again. "A handful."

I realised what a risk he was taking telling me this. I also realised what a risk we'd been taking having him on board these past months. If one whiff of his DNA had been picked up by official sensors... Well I'm pretty sure it would have been a case of Shoot First and Review Flight Logs Afterwards.

"Four shipfuls of my people escaped." He said slowly, "Four shipfuls, less than three hundred people, most in stasis, out of a species that once numbered in the trillions.

"Two hundred and ninety two people out of a civilisation that once ruled thousands of worlds." He sounded bitter. I could understand that.

"So, when we found Gilchrist's planet I recognised the fog." My ears peeked as he explained, "It had long been a... technique of my people to put sensitive manufacturing capabilities on rogue planets and to disguise their whereabouts with weather patterns. I saw the Locals over the video comms the 'sects transmitted. I recognised them as a species we used as workers. I suppose that some would have said 'slaves' but they were always well treated - ill treated people make for bad, unproductive workers. That's why I didn't leave the ship. If I could recognise them from my Grandmother's stories, then they could have recognised me."

I realised that my hackles hadn't gone down. This happy-go-lucky monkey-alike we'd picked up and offered a ride on a whim six months ago seemed to have a bit more of a Dark Side than I'd thought.

"So, of course I can't go down to Passdapeppapappa." He upturned his mug on the table. "There's no way their sensors would miss me."

I watched a thin dribble of brown liquid drain from his mug onto the table, not really knowing what to say.

"Well." I started, "I don't really know what to say."

---*---

I tuned back into the comms from our two men on the ground.

"Now we need a taxi." Kurl was saying, "Give me your arm, big boy."

"When I get you back home..." Vestock threatened.

"Promises, promises." Kurl said. "Hey, it got us past Immigration didn't it?"

Vestock made a 'grump' noise.

"Taxi!" Kurl shouted, causing an overload buzz from the comms.

There were a few noises as of opening and closing doors then:

"Where to?" A new voice. With a bit of luck it was a taxi driver.

"We want to see the courthouse."

There was a moment's silence.

"Sir?" The voice sounded a little put upon. "There are over a thousand court houses on this level alone."

"He means the court house where Lord Fader's trial is being held."

"Oh, That courthouse! No problem." There was the sound of an engine starting and a low 'whoosh' noise. "So, you're here for the trial are you? I must say I've seen a few headline trials in my life but this one has the biscuit and the gravy. I mean I think population's nearly doubled with reporters and witnesses. Rumour has it that there are hundreds of witnesses - people from every world he conquered. I had a couple in here yesterday, he'd put some sort of mind control device around their planet and he'd made the whole planet strip naked and do terrible things to each other. Brrr. Makes you hope that the verdict's quick and we know what we're all hoping for eh? Yes that's right we want to see him and his burn eh? Yessir, if this went to a vote the whole galaxy'd be lining up to pull the switch. Are you press or witness?" Although he'd asked a question he didn't stop for an answer, "Had a journo in here yesterday, she said her blog was read on ten systems, but I'd never heard of her. And another guy before that who was trying to tell me how many prizes he'd got for writing big stories. I suppose that means he printed them in big letters eh?" He laughed and probably took a breath before starting off again. "Then there were those little people. Had eight, or was it nine, of 'em in the cab. They told me that he'd made them dig mines for him. I even had a robot in here, said he'd been employed as a butler and the things he could tell me would make my hair stand on end. I had to tell him I was bald but that didn't seem to stop him, my lord he could talk. If i was a pack horse I'm sure I'd have had no hind legs left. Here we are that will be twenty five credits please."

There was a moments silence as Kurl and Vestock tried to make their way through the verbage to the end to realise they'd been asked for payment. There was a short rustle that indicated an exchange of cash.

"Er, where is it?" Vestock asked.

"Just there." The cab driver replied, "Look over the balcony." There was a moment's pause, "You did say you wanted to see the courthouse didn't you?" Noises of assent came from our friends, "Look over there and you'll see it."

There were noises as of doors opening and shutting again and we could hear the noise of a crowd.

"Balcony?" Kurl said.

"Over there then."

"There's a lot of people here eh?"

"Ouch! And I wish they'd watch where they are putting their feet!" Vestock said in a pained voice."

"Vestock."

"Yeah."

"Am I a very religious person?"

"I'm not sure we've adequately explored that over the past few years. It's one of those details that hasn't really come up in conversation." Vestock paused for a second, "Although I seem to recall you mentioning 'hellfire' a couple of times."

"That'll do." I could hear Kurl take a deep breath. "HELLFIRE!"

"And 'Damnation' I think. "Although that could have been someone else."

"No, that'll help." Breath, "HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION!"

"I think," Vestock said calmly, "That I'll have to agree with you."

"People?" I asked, "What's up?"

"Imagine," Vestock said, "That someone took a drill and drilled a hole into a planet." He paused, "Then imagine that the drill was about two miles across and the hole was about half a mile or more deep. Then put a courthouse at the bottom of that hole, right in the centre and at the top of the hole, put a balcony and stand two people you know at the edge of that balcony.

"Got that?"

"Got it." My eyes widened trying to picture it.

"Someone's jumped!" Kurl exclaimed.

There was a laugh from nearby, and a strange voice said, "It's ok - look!"

"He's bobbing up and down?" Vestock sounded confused for a second then, "Ah, there's an A-G field."

"Yeah, that's probably some kid doing it for laughs," The stranger's voice said, "His parents'll get fined and he'll do it again; if he can get the courage up."

"That's the courthouse down there?" Vestock asked, "Oh excuse my friend, he's just a little impressed by the sight."

"Yeah, that's Galactic Court Number One."

"Why is it that deep down?"

"That's not deep, that's ground level. We're high up."

"Ah. That explains it. What level are we on here?"

"Forty Two."

"Cool."

In the ship, I looked around, at least expecting someone to say 'don't panic' or to discuss the benefits of Hot Water. No takers. My concentration went back to what was going on down on the planet.

"How do we get down there?"

"There's lifts." The stranger said, "There, you see?" I assumed he was doing some of that 'pointing' stuff. From Vestock's response I thought I was right.

"Yeah, I see. Thanks for your help."

"Will you be able to pry his fingers off the railings?"

"I'll give it a go." Vestock said. Then: "Kurl. It's time to go now."

"S'Deep." Kurl responded. "V'ry deep."

"Remember what the man said," Vestock said, "It's not deep at all; we're high."

"Try telling that to my knees."

"Come on, just one finger at a time, see, you can do this. One, Two, Three. There we are, one hand off; now the other hand. Whoops!"

"Don't mind me." Kurl said quietly, "I'll just lie here for a few moments whilst the world stops spinning."

I turned to the crew. "Did anyone know that our pilot suffers from vertigo?" Richard and Marko shook their heads. Gilchrist ignored the question. "Make those fools get on with their mission and stop them larking about."

---*---

"So this is the ground level." Kurl said a little while later. "Don't make me look upwards, please?"

"No problem." Vestock replied. "Boss." He was speaking to me, "The building looks big enough from outside. There's a police cordon around it so we'll have to chat to some of the galaxy's finest."

"Ok." I responded, "Don't get arrested." Then as an afterthought, "That goes for you too Kurl."

"Yes boss." He responded. He seemed a lot happier now he knew there weren't forty-odd floors below him.

"Officer!" Vestock said enthusiastically, "I'm told this court is where the Fader trial is taking place?"

"Starts tomorrow." Replied a gruff voice. You could picture it with coffee and doughnuts and probably fondling a weapon.

"Good good." Vestock said, "And can you tell me how I could purchase entrance tickets for the event and how much they cost?"

"If you need to ask for tickets, I can tell two things about you." The officer said. "First, if you have to ask for tickets then you don't know the right people; second, if you care about the price, you couldn't afford one if you were offered it."

"What about today?" Vestock asked, sounding a little disheartened.

"No entrance at all today. The military are taking over security for the duration, an affront to us I can tell you, and they've been at it for the last few days, installing this scanner and that jammer. I'm lucky to be allowed to stand guard outside."

"Now that's not fair!" Vestock said with feeling, I knew he was taking about our situation now as much as the officer's.

"I'll have to ask you to move along now sirs." The officer said.

"Thank you officer." Vestock said.

"Thanks." Kurl said, then quieter, "For nothing."

They walked in silence for a while. I didn't know what to say. Gilchrist said it for me.

He flicked the comms on, "We must get accurate internal sizing of that building and that court room."

"We know." Vestock replied. "But we can't get inside. Even if we got tickets we couldn't get in until tomorrow and that would be too late."

"Ah." Kurl spoke with a tinge of delight in his voice. "Look!"

"What?"

"It's a Sim-shop."

"And?"

"I want to buy a game."

"I'm gonna sign off now." Vestock said. I don't want you all hearing me throttle Kurl, sorry, Hatchling B.

I sat down feeling a little despondent. "We need accurate measurements."

"I need accurate measurements." The ship butted in, "We're not doing this if I can't be guaranteed a clear space."

"Sims!" Gilchrist exclaimed, "Pass me the standard comms unit and a local datanet connection.

"What?" I tried to ask but Gilchrist was busy. He slipped an earpiece in and tapped at a console for a moment. Then, smiling, he pressed his ear and spoke into the communicator.

"Hello, is that Electronic Attorneys? This is Gil Christ, I'm a reporter with SimSimSim and I just wanted to ask a few questions of your marketing department. Thank you."

"What are you up to?" I asked, Gilchrist just grinned back at me then his eyes dazed out.

"Yes, hello, I'm with SimSimSim and I was wondering that, as you have the rights to the Larry The Lawyer series if you were going to be making a 'Trial of Lord Fader' scenario pack?"

I couldn't hear the response but it was quite vehement as I could see Gilchrist wince. "There's no need for that language." He said calmly, "Be Seeing You." He tapped his ear, waved his head to one side and tapped his ear again.

"Hello," pause, "I'm from SimSimSim and I was hoping to get a few words with your marketing department about the upcoming 'Trial of Lord Fader' scenario pack for the Barry the Barrister series?" Pause. Then, "Thank you."

He murbled reporter speak to a marketing drone for a bit then pulled the communicator from his ear and smiled.

"Tell Kurl to get Barry the Barrister Episode 5 - the Witless Witness."

I raised an eyebrow.

"It's set in the galactic court."

I raised my other eyebrow.

"It's got a full 3d model of the court's interior and exterior. We'll just need to rip the model out of the code."

I tapped the comms unit to notify Vestock.