Grudge Match

Al leaned over and handed each coney, in turn, a carrot in a bun. He smiled, well grinned a little more than usual. "This'll be great fun!" He said sitting down.

Cadam looked down at the foodstuff in his paw. An overcooked carrot was nestled in an undersized bun of dubious quality, smothered in some sort of sauce - he has a quick taste - French mustard! - nestling on a bed of fried onions - that seemed to have been fried for about twenty four hours non-stop. "Explain to me again what's fun about this?"

It had seemed quite a good idea, at the time, in Al's hideout's living room.

"We're looking for help to fight the evil black bunny, yes?" Al said, "And, we can't really ask any conies," He ducked, "'Cos any we meet out here will either be trusted lieutenants of the evil emperor or vagrants who don't care about the warren."

"Which one are you?" Cadam asked under his breath. Al didn't hear and continued on.

"So we need to look towards the other animals. We've had not a little success at that demonstration earlier today. So I say that we need to get ourselves to other gatherings of reasonable animals." Everyone nodded at this point. "So we'll got to the Match on Saturday."

Maisie clapped, "Oooh!" She sounded excited, "Have you got us tickets?"

"Not yet." Al said, "They're getting a bit thin on the ground at the moment."

"Goodie!" Bloxum boomed, smiling. "I was hoping we wouldn't miss it."

"Er," Cadam asked, "What match is this exactly?"

Al looked shocked, as if Cadam has asked what a carrot was.

"The match!" He exclaimed waving his hands around, "The big grudge match!" Phump and Cadam looked confused. Malcolm looked confused too but he didn't count. Madison looked out the window, stroking his sword.

"The squirrels!"

"Oh yes," Cadam said exuding sarcasm. "That explains everything."

Sarcasm was lost on Al who said: "Good, we're all agreed then?"

"What about squirrels?" Cadam shouted. "Explain to me!"

Al, seeming a little taken aback by Cadam's exclamation, composed himself, then spoke, "Every year, the squirrels have their big grudge match, the Greys verses the Reds. Everyone goes!"

"Football." Cadam said dismissively.

"Oh no," Al said horrified, "As if anyone would leave something as important as this to football."

"Good." Cadam said, then waited for the explanation.

"Rugby." Al said.

---*---

Cadam looked down at the carrot in a bun. He took a tentative bite. If he tried to pretend that this wasn't a carrot but was instead some foreign food he'd never tried before he could convince himself that it was supposed to have such a chemical taste.

"Explain," <chomp>, "again," <chomp>, "why this has just cost me," <chomp>, "virtually every penny I have in the world?"

"Well, look..." Al said, spreading his hands out, "Everyone's here."

He did appear to be right. The bowl in which they were sat appeared to have every forest dweller for miles around. Bunnies were being a little conspicuous by their absence maybe, but there were birds and foxes and badgers and, an incredible amount of squirrels. There were even mice, acting as cheerleaders.

Cadam squinted at the mice - something about them was familiar. Not to worry. He turned to Al, "So which end are the Grey's supporters and which end are the Red's?"

"Oh," Al said not looking at him but scanning the crowd. "Everyone supports the Reds. Underdogs, you know."

"But I can't see any red squirrels?"

"Well, they're a little rare these days, that's why they're the underdogs."

"Ah..." Cadam hadn't got to be an admired Elder without being able to say "Ah..." with meaning.

Maisie was sat next to Phump. Very closely to Phump in fact. So closely to Phump in fact that he though she should be able to hear his heart beating. She smelled nice.

"Oooh! Look!" She exclaimed, grabbing his arm and pointing, "The players are coming onto the pitch!" Phump nodded silently.

She'd touched him!

He should be on the field. Playing for the underdogs; the greatest coney rugby player of his age.

He could see it now.

Ten minutes to the end of the match and the score is tied, all the players are sweaty and tired and the score is level. Suddenly out of nowhere the ball flies towards him. He jumps at it like a fish with wings. Stretching a paw he grabs the ball before any of his opponents could get to it and he starts off. He's got more than half the pitch in front of him and the rest of his team are far behind. He ducks past one opponent and sidesteps past another. With a surprising burst of speed he rushes past three more and suddenly there's only clear pitch between him and the line, when out of nowhere comes a brute of a guy in the opposing team's colours, growling at him. Phump makes a dive to the right of the brute and rolls twice before getting up and starting to make a run. He hears the brute clumping behind him and feels arms wrap around his waist - with a leap he jumps out from between the vicious arms before they can contract and he flies across the line. The crowd erupt. There will be just enough time for the kick before the end of play.

"I said, do you play?" Maisie was speaking to him. His brain took a few seconds to understand what she was saying. She tweaked his foreleg, "You've got the build for it."

He managed to grunt something which sounded affirmative without being too committal.

"I do like men who play sports." Maisie said, as if to herself. Phump decided that he'd better learn to play.

With the blow of a whistle the match started.

Cadam turned to Al, "Which ones are the Reds again?"

Al's gaze was fixed on the game, "The ones in the red bibs."

Cadam squinted, "But they appear to be grey squirrels."

"Well," Al said, "The reds are so rare they can't make a whole team up."

"There aren't any Red squirrels on the pitch at all!"

Al shrugged, "It's the thought that counts." He said then launched into the air, along with the rest of the crowd, squealing, as the team with the red bibs got their first try.

Cadam held his head in his hands. Then felt a tug on his tail. He turned to see a mouse behind him. The mouse nodded towards the back and went off. Cadam stepped over his bench, Madison saw him move and they both followed the rodent.

"You're from The Tumbling Mice." Cadam said to the small rodent in the star-leotard.

The mouse gave an almost nod. "Over here." He said, leading Cadam and Madison out of sight of the crowd.

The mouse turned to face Cadam.

"I'm actually with Mouse Intelligence." He said, matter-of-factly. He held out a paw, "Michael." He said as Cadam shook it,

"Cadam, and that's Madison." Michael raised an eyebrow at the albino avenger. Madison was on guard, watching for anyone coming.

"Again, I must repeat. I am Michael. Maybe Mike. Sometimes Mikey.

"But never Mick.

"And never, ever, ever..."

"I understand." Cadam said quickly, nodding, "I had an uncle Pete, you know. So, you're with MI5? MI6?"

Mike shook his head, "We've only got two - MI1 is intra-species intelligence; MI2, which is us, is interspecies intelligence." He looked up at Cadam. "We're very worried about the situation in your old warren. It's destabilising the region. I've been given the go-ahead to offer you any and all assistance I am capable of."

"That's very nice of you, but I'm not sure..." Mike didn't let Cadam get far. He pulled out a map and laid it on the floor. He made a wide circle on the map.

"This is Gilchrist's circle of power as it stands at the moment. As you can see it extends into the forest to the north of the warren," he pointed at the trees on the map, "and nearly to the monastery to the west." He pointed at the drawing of a mole in a habit.

"We're here." Again with the pointing, "two or more day's journey south of his border. There are small coney settlements..." He pointed at a number of places on the map. He looked up at Cadam. "We've been investigating pregnant, and new mother, stray does in an effort to locate your rightful ruler. When we've located her we'd like your help in returning her to power."

"Why are you doing this for us?" Madison asked, his gaze never falling un-alert.

"We have reason to believe that Gilchrist won't stop with the control he currently has. He's looking for ways to expand his sphere of influence. He already has a number of raptors in his guard. Life for a lowly mouse is looking dangerous around here and we can't have that. Helping you helps us, if you were."

"You do realise that we can't go back in force, not us rabbits," Cadam said, "We'd just fall under the influence of his carrot and that would be that."

"Well, that's not strictly true." Mike said quietly, "There are rings that can protect a coney against the carrot. Rings like the one on Madison's hand in fact." Cadam shot him a glance. Madison nodded.

"Would you like to tell me where you got one from?" Cadam asked him.

"Not particularly." Madison replied. There was no hint of negotiation in his voice.

"Back to 'Looking For Cola'" Mike said, brightly to clear the air. "All we've got left is to visit these settlements along the river and along this side of the western forest."

"This is assuming she's alive." Cadam said in a low voice.

"We have reports that Gilchrist was seen escorting two does from the warren. He returned with one a day later."

"Lotte?" Cadam asked, Mike nodded.

"If it was Lotte, we don't think she'd have returned with him if Cola had met, shall we say, an unfortunate end at his paws."

"Poor Cola, turned on by her best friend." Cadam shook his head.

"I'd like you to come with us as we visit these last few settlements." Mike asked.

Madison came over and knelt next to the map. "I'll visit these," he said, trailing his finger over the line of the river. At the top of the western forest he tapped the map. "This was the Chiltern Coney Commune." He looked at the others - they knew what he meant, "I want to visit there to see if there are any, supplies, that can help us."

"You can't go alone." Cadam said, "You wouldn't know who Cola was."

"I could ask?"

"Take Malcolm and Phump with you."

Madison didn't need to think for a moment before nodding. "Just Phump, thank you. Just as long as he doesn't slow me down too much."

Cadam grunted. Mike took this as agreement.

"I'll get a team ready to leave with you and Malc tonight, Cadam." The mouse said. He looked up at Madison, "I'm glad you're helping like this." Madison shrugged. "We should meet at the monastery. If all goes well we can make it in a week." He looked up at Madison, "You'll need longer - you're going further. Two weeks and we should see you there."

"I'll get Phump and we'll leave immediately."

"Oh," Cadam said, "Can't you wait until tonight, he seems to be getting along with Maisie, which is a nice change for him."

Madison huffed. "Well, if that will make him motivated."

"Later." Mike said, rolling the map up and returning to the field.

"I've always wondered..." Madison said.

"What?" Cadam asked.

"What an intellimouse was."