What Goes Down Must Come Up

>Voice-over by creators girlfriend

Incidental Music: "Welcome to the Pleasure Dome" by FGTH<

Previously on Gorden The Rabbit:

>snippets from last episode of season one:

"A bit of suffering is good for the soul "

"That's our David"

"No! Mrs. Wilberforce! Not the jelly!"

"Greetings, Strangers! Welcome to the Chiltern Coney Commune!"

"Da da de da de de do do. De da de de do"<

>Voice-over by Gorden actor

Incidental Music: "The Quest" by Willie and The Shakers<

Episode 1 - What

GTR: These are the voyages of Gorden the Rabbit and his intrepid band, whose mission is to seek out the Golden Carrot and to boldly split infinitives that no rabbit has split before.

>Roll initial credits<

Starring

Dennis Waterman as Gorden T Rabbit

Jim Broadbent as David "The Joker" Gerbil

Michael Horden as Plessey Snail (Wizard first class)

Alison Steadman as Cola

Special-Guest-Starring

Bill and Ben as Rob and Rod

Pinky and Perky as The Two Guards

Also Appearing

St Winifreds School Choir as fields of rabbits

Created by Nobby

>Music fades to chirping of birds and other pleasant country noises<

David and Plessey plodded down the hill towards the burrow entrance.

"Quiet, isn't it?" Plessey pointed out.

"Strange," David replied, "We've passed *well* over three rabbits and none of them have spoken a word to us!"

Plessey just nodded. It was strange, there were tens of rabbits working on the hillside, but there was barely a murmur of sound. Plessey was unnerved by the lack of volume, but was doing his best not to show it to his rather excitable friend.

"Lookit!" David exclaimed "Gorden and Cola have gone in already! Why didn't they wait for us?"

Plessey made light of his worry.

"Maybe they wanted to hear other rabbits winging, instead of you, for a change?"

"You're slimy sometimes, you know.." David replied.

The pair had nearly reached the burrow entrance, a large imposing, dark hole in the side of the hill. To each side stood a prime example of a well-made buck, each one holding the proverbial sharp stick. (Although it was proverbial this didn't stop them from both holding separate examples of the stick..)

"It looks dark in there.." David began to whine.

Plessey muttered something under his breath, which we will not repeat here.

As they reached the entrance the Guardbucks lowered their sticks so that they crossed at gerbil-head-height. David backed up a few steps.

"Um," He said "We're with Gorden and Cola." The sticks didn't move. "The two rabbits that you just let in." Not a sign of recognition from the guards. "We're their best friends!" No emotion, no response. "We're harmless!"

"No lesser animals than a coney allowed." It had the sound of a rote saying.

"No space for larger than a coney." David looked at himself.

"I'm *not* larger than a rabbit!" David exclaimed.

"No lesser animals than a coney allowed.

"No space for larger than a coney."

David looked sideways at the nearest guard.

"Are saying that I'm a *lesser* animal?" David said, eyeing the guard with one *evil* eye, his fists clenched.

Plessey slid up behind him. "Dave," he whispered, "Lets go. They are a lot bigger than either of us.."

David's nose twitched. "They called me, called me, called me LESSER!" He whispered back, "Don't worry about me. I can take them."

"DAVID!" Plessey said in as loud a whisper as possible. "Don't be stupid. Think of Gorden, he's inside!"

"No lesser animals than a coney allowed.

"No space for larger than a coney." The guards intoned, ignoring the frantic pair's mumblings.

David turned at Plessey, fists tight, teeth clenched and eyes squinting

"They'd better not touch him. He's mine.. My friend." Plessey's eye stalks bent at David and nodded.

"Come on David, let's just back off." Plessey had his 'sensible' voice plugged in.

David backed away from the burrow entrance, knuckles white. He was still backing away twenty paces later. "You're going slower than I can crawl." Plessey remarked.

"Those are *big* sticks. I'm not turning my back on one of them."

"They'll leave us alone, we're the lesser animals, remember."

You have probably never heard a gerbil growl. It's not a nice sound by any measure.

Plessey "dragged" David up to the top of the hill, all the time David kept looking over his shoulder at the guards, and then scanning the rabbits on the hillside. All the rabbits seemed to ignore the pair completely.

"These rabbits are giving me the creeps." The gerbil said. "Why are they so....Quiet.. Disinterested. Boring!"

"The whole place worries me, "Plessey said, in itself this worried David even more, "but I'm mostly worried for Gorden and Cola."

"If they lay one finger on Gorden I'll..."

"Calm down David. We'll make sure they'll be safe. We'll get them out."

"Buggrit!" David said throwing himself to the ground as they reached the edge of the woods near the top of the hill. They both turned around and looked down into the valley.

"Gorden," David said, "What have you got yourself into now?"

"We warned him." Came a voice. "He didn't listen. They never listen." The voice came from just behind them.

In a flash David was up, a small, but wickedly sharp-looking, knife clutched in one paw.

"Woah! Little Buddy" One of the rabbits said. There were two young bucks, both with pointed sticks, both with a thin, plain white, bandana wrapped around the forehead.

"Who the hell are you?" David asked, the knife trembling in his hand as the two rabbits stood next to each other. They were nearly as broad-shouldered as the guardbucks.

"How do you be knowing Gorden?" Plessey asked.

The two rabbits looked surprised.

"I'm Rob." "I'm Rod." They chorused. Then Rob waved Rod ahead.

"We met Gorden a few days ago, he came through our small village on the way to meet up with his friends.

"We know a thing or two about that 'Chilern Coney Commune' that's taken him in, you see."

>Play out to the tune of "Part Of The Union" by The Strawbs<